Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if a future version of myself could come back and tell me things. Today I realized that I was that future self, who could go back ten years and tell my past self all the things that were important, things I should have worried about but didn't, and things that I was way too concerned with, that would work out anyways.
I was going through a lot of stress back then, and there didn't feel like many ways to cope with it. I ended up coping with it by seeing a counselor, and doing a whole lot of gaming. I was told many things by many people, but always discounted them as coming from someone else who didn't know my position. The closest I came to listening was to my counselor, as she didn't try to tell me how to change, she listened to what I was going through and offered support if I wanted it. Still, it was a tough time and looking back with my experience now, I see it could have been a lot worse without the support I did have, and could have been a lot better if I'd let my own perspective change.
My question to myself is this: If my future self had shown up back then, and told me of his experience and how things could work out, would I have listened? What if there was another person with the same experiences, would I listen to them?
I know I would now. But I still don't know if I could listen back then.
9 comments:
It's a frustratingly good question. I... I feel like commenting, but don't have a whole lot to add at the moment, besides the fact that I consider similar things from time to time.
It reminds me of a particularly fantastic 'Life in Hell' strip that I have showed Lemming. Remind me to show it to you. It pertains directly to your question.
As for me, I most likely would have ignored my future self and not listened. It's also almost certain that that would not be the right attitude to have.
It seems to me that there are at least a couple kinds of advice I could give my past self. I'm sure we can all think of specific "stay away from women named Susan!" type warnings for our past selves. (Nothing against actual women named Susan, I just can't resist a Dinosaur Comics reference.) My past self might have heeded this type of warning, or might have just said "Well, I won't stay away, but I'll be really careful around women named Susan." And we all know from time-travel stories that this will only cause events to play out as they did before.
The trick is presentation. If I ever give this type of warning to my past self, I will be sure to at least wear an eyepatch, or, if possible, fake a missing limb or something. If the consequences are sufficiently severe I can expect my past self to pay attention. (However, now that I've thought of this it won't work, so my future self will have to think of something else if he's going to visit me after now.)
The tricky thing about this is that although I have detailed knowledge about the consequences of my specific actions, I don't know much about the counterfactuals--what would have happened if I'd done something differently. It's entirely possible that things could have turned out worse, so it's best to save this type of warning for the truly serious stuff.
Another type of advice is Lessons Learned the Hard Way. These aren't specific warnings but general wisdom that took much suffering to acquire. The trouble here is that these lessons were usually learned the hard way because my past self was unwilling to accept them otherwise. So I doubt I'd have listened. (I think this is more what Z has in mind in the original post?)
Now, it's interesting to consider that my past self, transported to the present, could also have useful advice. After all, in the past I was more passionate and less risk-averse, which are often good traits. (Those who knew my past self may doubt that he could possibly be more passionate than anyone, even my present self, but I think this is the case.) And of course, I can simulate my past selves much better than my future selves, so this kind of advice is more accessible. There are a couple problems though: I tend to think (with good reason) that I am wiser and more perceptive than my past selves, and this causes me to discount their advice. And more than that, I actively dislike some of my past selves, who were frequently insufferable egomaniacs or obnoxious whiners. So who cares what they would have thought?
Anyway, now would be a good time for my future self to drop in with any career advice, or warnings to stay away from any women in particular.
Travis: Wow.
I'm waiting for the people named "Susan" to post a comment. :) I'm sure at least one will arrive soon enough.
When I've thought this over before, I usually end up in the same place: giving up on trying to give advice, and instead just having a nice, friendly chat over coffee. Seriously, sounds like it'd be nice.
A similar idea that comes to me from time to time is what would it be like if I could spend a day (my present self) with one of my (deceased) grandfathers. I looked up to Grandpa E more than anyone else, and would have felt similarly (in a way, I do) about Grandpa R if he was still alive when I was older. I think largely it's an approval thing. Also more of a curiosity rather than something I mope over...
On a completely different note...
Mason: I don't remember the Life in Hell, but I do remember an XKCD. It's a four-parter, and the good punchline is at the very end, but...
Choices.
I have a copy of this particular LiH in my office. I'll show you (or reshow for Lemming).
Nice 4th punchline on the XKCD...
Okay, I'll take the bait. I would have responded right after reading travis's post but he's a nice guy and included a disclaimer. Now if I could just get ahold of the creator of dinosaur comics...
(btw, Travis, your second paragraph really tickled me. Thanks for that -- I can feel my headache easing away...)
On the topic, I think it would be very good if my future self could come back in time to my now self and give me lots of advice -- I can think of several topics I'd like advice on from her at the moment. I hope I'd be humble enough to listen up! On the other hand, most of the time when I have made bad or questionable decisions, I have learned and grown a lot from them, even though I might have been kicking myself for awhile. The trick for me has been to look at these as learning experiences, and glean all I can from them before I move on and put them behind me. I sometimes wish I didn't have so many darned "learning experiences", though. And here's the even more obnoxious thing, which you-all may have already encountered but will really get when you are a lot older: not only would I probably not listen to my future, more experienced self, but almost nobody else really wants my advice either! All that wisdom going to waste... :-)
"A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.'" (Douglas Adams, interview in The Daily Nexus, 4/5/00)
Oooh, Mason, I really like that!
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